Always the only one to fall..

I am so grateful for my life. As a wise friend told me... "Your trials are someone elses blessings" and when i asked him what exactly that meant he told me that your trials make you stronger, and some day when you find that special someone that is when your trials become their blessings. Because you are who you are today because of these trials and the events that happened in the past.

With this i mind it has helped me a great deal. It's hard for me to desipher if i actually like a guy for the right reasons or is it just because i want a boyfriend. Well im still in the dark. I think for me to find that out i have to completely take that mental jump. I have to jump off that cliff and pray that someone is there to catch me and if he doesn't than atleast i took that leap of faith. I am not sure if i can do this however if the other person isn't willing to do the same. He says he doesn't want a girl friend yet here he is acting like my boyfriend. DOing and saying things that are like we are together. I don't know weither to stay in it or RUN! run now and run far away. Part of me says, Mimi you know this story, it's always the same, it always has the same old story so do yourself a favor and stop this before you get hurt even more! The other part of me says give it time, stick in their. My brother brought a good point. Sometimes things take time to develop and sometimes you have to work for it. I can't expect everything to come to me easily or immediately but i must let things happen on gods time.

They say patience is a virtue. This is something i have not developed yet. I am very impatient. But i am learning to take one step at a time. and not cram a square into a circle. So here i am....Pondering. Wondering how he feels. Knowing that he doesn't do DTR's or talk about things so its harder! But i need a DTR down the road. i have to decide wheither i turn my back on this opportunity or take that leap of faith knowing he probably won't be there to catch me, but praying theres a small chance that he might.

I wish he could telll me whats going on and how he feeels lately. He's hiding, hes scared. He has a million reasons why i shouldnt be the one he commits to. But how long will he let doubt cloud his mind. The good of what could come of it far out weighs the bad why cant he just realize. He's just scared. If he doesnt commit he cant get hurt right?....WRONG!! seems to me this is the FASTEST WAY TO GET YOUR HEART BROKEN. So for now ill wait it out. But there will come a time when we either go our seperate ways or take it farther. Only time will tell.

The rest is stilll unwritten