To the girl who has everything...

The girl who has everything is the one right under your nose. It's the girl i envy. She isn't popular or the worlds definition of beautiful; but, she has so much more than what people expect. Everywhere i go i see those girls who may be a little dorky or gangily or unattractive to most but to one guy she is the world. It's her boyfriend who like wise is the above things but they found eachother, they found happiness. Now i have alot of friends and i have found my inner beauty to far surpass what i look like on the outside yet im still here alone. I get hurt repeatidly. Why is that? Some people go as far to say that i get everything i want and think i live some glamorous life where i can get any guy i want but news flash that isnt my life, none the least bit. I'd give anything to be that "nerdy" couple. To not have to worry about always making myself over, to just be beautiful to one guy no matter how much makeup i wear or what clothes i wear. To this boy she is the world. She is the prettiest girl he's ever seen inside and out. and inside he's thinking that he is the luckiest guy in the world, he cant figure out why she is with him because he feels she is soo special and amazing that she could have anyone...but she chooses to be with him. And...she is thinking the exact same thing. I'd give anything to be that girl! anyday!!! i wish i was her, never thought id say i wish i was one of those odd girls but its true. They have it all, love, laughter, happiness!

I think that's what im missing, that passion that spark with someone. I've tried so hard but in the end all i've got is myself. Guy after guy i keep falling and getting back up only to be shoved back to the ground even harder. Each time my wall that i've built around my heart gets higher and higher making it hard to trust not only me but everyone around me, because of them....i am afraid. Afraid to fall again. afraid to get back up. afraid to trust. afraid to give someone the power to make or break my day so easily. The past few guys have left me with lessons learned. these breaks in my heart will only make me stronger. So what he didnt want to be with me as much as he said he did. thats fine! he was NOTHING that i was looking for yet why did i like him so much.

Someday i will find that guy that shines brighter than the sun. That days worth fighting for, that guy's forth fighting for. He will give me strength when i have none. Make me feel a sense of security that nothing in this world could ever go wrong as long as we have eachother. Right now i know where he is. My mother's seen him. That sounds weird but she had a vision and i trust it. all i know is that he will take my breath away, i will marry this guy. He's really tall and has dark hair. no im not making this up while in the temple my mother saw who i was going to marry and you can believe it or not but i do truely believe it. So to my dream guy...im hear waiting. Wondering who you are and what your life. What kinds of things you will do to catch my eye or make me happy. Im everything u want and so much more and you will be my world. I just have to find him!! Im almost positive that boy will be in utah when i get up there. cuz he certainly is not here!!!